I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
