dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
