High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
