when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I FOUND THE LEGS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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