They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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