My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
