i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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