You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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