I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
