Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
