party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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