Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
