Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
