he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
