Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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