The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize