You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
