I wanna bring you to show and tell
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
