I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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