uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
