I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
