Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
