Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
