And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
