**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
