Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
