I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
