HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
