you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
