so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
