I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
