You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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