and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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