She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Less talking, more tequila
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
