wrigley field is MILF paradise
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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