I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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