he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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