dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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