I'm jealous of your bromance
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
