i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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