So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
