I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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