I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hippo gnu deer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
