omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
