ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
