She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
