i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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