she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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