I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
