Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
