She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
