My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize