I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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