Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
