I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
