I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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