Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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