I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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