i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
