If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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