I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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