windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
