i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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