when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
