Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
