One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
