I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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